by High Plains Grifter
Well, overtax my STR and call me a revenuer sympathizer. Though I’ve been called worse by better people.
What in Bessie’s Blossomed Bloomers is going on in South Ark? This circus has been running longer than most marriages in this county. We’re talking over ten years of meetings, drafts, revisions, stakeholder input, consultant reports, more meetings, and enough hot air to render geothermal in Chaffee County obsolete. Ten. Years.
You could’ve started a family, raised the kid, and sent Doogie Howser off to Med School in the time it’s taken Salida to figure out what to do with a few blocks south of the river.
Every time you think they’re finally going to land on a plan, somebody stands up and says “But what about the viewshed?” or “We need more community input from the people who moved here last Tuesday,” and the whole thing gets kicked back for another six months of navel-gazing.
We’ve had more public meetings on South Ark than most rednecks have jumper cables. We’ve spent more money on consultants than it would cost to beat Elon Musk to Mars.
And after all that time, money, and aggravation, what do we have? A whole lot of nothing. Longtime locals are exhausted from showing up to meeting after meeting just to watch the same arguments twist like a Möbius strip, an endless loop with no discernible beginning or end. This isn’t planning. This is taxpayer-funded burlesque: all tease, no squeeze.
If you don’t know where you’re going, any road will take you there. Lewis Carroll/Cheshire Cat
Here’s a novel idea, Salida: Pick a direction, make a decision, and stick with it for more than six months. Stop treating every porch addition like it’s a federal environmental disaster. Quit holding the entire neighborhood hostage to the loudest complainers in the room.
Because right now the South Ark “planning process” has achieved exactly one thing: It has united everyone in complete and total frustration, developers, homeowners, renters, and even the people who just want to fix their damn fence without needing three permits and a PhD(Piled higher and Deeper) in Hooked on Planning Phonics.
Ten years, folks. Longer than most marriages, at least those that survived the Seven Year Itch.
At this rate, the South Ark plan will be finished right around the time the Arkansas River receives its ninth Scout Wave.
And bless their hearts, the South Ark dog walkers have officially entered the arena. A small but highly dedicated pack of Salida’s finest citizens, the kind of folks who carry more poop bags than spare change, showed up at city council to passionately defend their sacred off-leash patch of dirt like it was the Alamo with tennis balls. And you know what? I get it. When your daily joy involves watching your golden retriever chase in big goofy circles while your labradoodle debates existential questions with a squirrel, losing that spot hurts. These aren’t professional protesters; they’re just good people whose therapy is measured in wagging tails and slobbery kisses.
Still… watching grown adults beg city council to turn a 62-acre housing development into one giant off-leash dog park is peak Salida. Somewhere between the impact fees, the wildfire codes, and the endless planning meetings, we’ve reached the point where “affordable housing” now competes with “adordable zoomies.” So, here’s to the dog walkers, may your leashes stay long, your treats stay plentiful, and your favorite spot somehow survive the great South Ark Bulldozer Bonanza.
Stay Briney, stay patient (you’re gonna need it), and whatever you do, don’t buy property in South Ark unless you plan for your grandchildren to live there… because you sure as hell won’t.
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